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[Quality Amazon Products] Staff Recommendations: Beige Products, Weak Tasers, and Other Productivity-Increasing Goods

Articles in Computer Hardware | By August R. Garcia

Published 5 months agoFri, 22 Feb 2019 01:43:32 -0800 | Last update 5 months agoFri, 22 Feb 2019 02:25:38 -0800

If you hate this website, these products are still excellent. You can also clear your cookies or lookup these goods from an Incognito or Private Browsing window to spitefully purchase these items without the affiliate tracking cookie.

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If you work from home--whether you’re a programmer, internet marketer, online freelancer, a remote worker for a company, or otherwise--your office equipment is one of the best investments that you can make.

Some products are good. Some products are bad. This article discusses products that are good, and also the laptop that Hash Brown uses.

Note that the links in this article are affiliate tracking links from the Amazon Associates program and that a percent of qualified sales through these links goes to 256 Kilobytes as commission.

But I hate this website and don’t want you to have any money.

- Probably Someone

If you hate this website, these products are still excellent. You can also clear your cookies or lookup these goods from an Incognito or Private Browsing window to spitefully purchase these items without the affiliate tracking cookie.


As I’ve written about previously, the IBM Model M (now manufactured by Unicomp) makes every other keyboard on the planet look like this neon children’s keyboard. It’s most important features include, but are not limited to:

  • Being extremely loud;
  • Being beige; and
  • Denting your floor if dropped.

While the original Model M keyboards produced by IBM are no longer produced, they can still be found through a variety of sources, including some on Amazon like this listing as well as this listing.

If you have recently shaved your neck beard, the Unicomp Model M is more consistently available, is available new, is substantially cheaper, has Windows keys, and connects via USB rather than a PS/2 connector. Unicomp purchased the patents and IPR for the Model M after IBM stopped producing them, so these keyboards are, essentially, identical to the original Model M keyboards.

Note that the Model M, as well as most mechanical keyboards, are designed to have removable keys for both cleaning and for key replacement (for example, if you want to add custom keycaps). Keycap pullers, such as this one, are inexpensive and a good idea to have.


I’ve personally bought literally 14 of Acer’s Model B286HK monitors. These 28-inch, 4k monitors basically spit in the face of God (the Christian god):

  • A 4k monitor (3840x2160) has four times as much screen space as a full HD monitor (1920x1080). This is not just a clearer picture; this is more screen space. One 4k monitor is the equivalent of having four 1920x1080 monitors in front of you.
  • They display at a 60Hz refresh rate (in contrast to the 120Hz or 144Hz monitors designed for users who want the most frames per second), which means that these monitors are extremely cost effective for productivity setups that generally benefit from having more monitors/screen space rather than having higher refresh rates.
  • The 28-inch models are great for having many monitors on a single desk, since they are large enough to be easily readable and usable while being compact enough to fit multiple on a desk.
  • These monitors also rotate and support both horizontal and vertical alignments.

If you work online, are a computer programmer, or are currently using a computer without at least one 4k monitor, it’s time to buy these monitors, unless you don’t want to do that.

PS: If you want to run a 14/8/4/other monitor setup, it is probably a good idea to pick up some power strips.

Computer Mouses

While you may think that all computer mouses are equal, if you use the Logitech MX Master 2S mouse for like five minutes it will quickly become apparent that it is superior to the mouse that you are currently using, unless you are currently using this mouse.

The scroll wheel on this mouse is obscene. A fairly light spin will scroll down or up for, according to my stopwatch, 10.31 to 17.62 seconds, depending on how hard much effort you put into spinning it. While you might wonder why anyone would care about being able to scroll extremely quickly, this feature is secretly the best thing about this mouse, despite not being the reason I purchased it originally.

Oh, also it’s designed to be able to switch between up to three computers by pressing a button, although I’ve never tested this feature. It seems to lack out-of-the-box support for Linux; presumably you already assumed that was true.

Additionally--and probably most importantly, the build quality on this mouse is excellent. After using one of these, run-of-the-mill computer mouses feel cheap and weak, like my ex-wife.

But I am poor and still married.

- Probably Someone

As far as cheaper mouses go, the Logitech M510 is adequate, but it’s no contest that the MX Master 2S is over 9000 times better.


As they say in my home country, “if you frequently wear headphones, you should consider purchasing the Audio-Technica ATH-M50x Professional Studio Monitor Headphones, because they are basically the best headphones unless you want to spend several thousand dollars on DJ equipment.”

if you frequently wear headphones, you should consider purchasing the Audio-Technica ATH-M50x Professional Studio Monitor Headphones, because they are basically the best headphones unless you want to spend several thousand dollars on DJ equipment.

- A Saying in My Home Country

Unlike basically every other pair of headphones that I’ve used, despite using these for like eight hours per day for the last year, they haven’t even broken (although they have become looser). The padding is comfortable, the sound quality is good, and while they aren’t explicitly noise cancelling headphones, they are at least sound dampening. If there is audio playing, they even block out the noise of you typing on a Model M keyboard.

There are also cheaper, mid-tier headphones that are worth checking out. The Tascam TH-02 is a solid, inexpensive closed-ear headphone. While the TH-02’s build quality is mediocre (the pair I had eventually broke), these headphones are substantially better than generic headphones and are more than worth their price.

The Clearly-Best Webcam

The Logitech C920 webcam has been the best webcam since at least 2012 and will presumably continue to be the undisputed champion until the sun burns out, or until someone else makes a webcam that supports 1920x1080 video streaming at this price point.

The camera’s angle is easily adjustable and the photo quality is good, which also means that this camera can be used for ghetto-scanning documents if you don’t have a scanner offhand.


Custom Builds and Parts

The kids these days--with their four hundred twenties, their dabbing, and their Wiz Khalifa--are always creating market demand for computer builds that are min-maxed for gaming, dabbing on haters, Netflix AMAZON PRIME VIDEO FREE TRIAL and chill, and so forth.

Back in my day, computers were used for working. The computer build below includes optimal parts for building a machine optimized for tasks like:

  • Running four 4k monitors;
  • Simultaneously running eight virtual machines;
  • Computer programming;
  • Looking at your 401k;
  • Selling stocks;
  • Buying life insurance; and
  • Filing for divorce

Adjust exact specs/parts to your use case and preference:


Spec Notes



CPU / Processor

8, 12, or 16 cores

AMD Ryzen Threadripper (1900X, 1920X, or 1950X)

Despite having a name--the Threadripper--that is clearly targeted at dabbing on the haters in an epic Fort Night battle, the Threadripper is really much better suited toward computer builds focused on productivity. The 8, 12, and 16 core CPUs offered by AMD's Threadripper are ideal for workloads that involve running many applications simultaneously (in contrast to video game players, who are generally going to prefer a smaller number of more powerful cores, since video games are rarely able to fully utilize more than 4-6 cores).



Corsair CW-9060027-WW H115i Liquid CPU Cooler

If you intend to overclock a Threadripper CPU, liquid cooling such as this is generally a good idea. Realistically, overclocking a Threadripper build is probably unnecessary for a productivity build and lower-end cooling could easily be substituted here.


Mid-Sized Tower

Define R6 Black TG (FD-CA-DEF-R6-BK-TG)

Reasonably clean/professional case. Depending on how much hardware you want to cram into your machine, a full-size tower might be a good idea. Builds that I did with this case had trouble fitting the H115i cooler listed above (which ended up sticking out by ~1cm from where it should have lined up).


DDR4 3200MHz

Corsair Vengeance C16

32GB is very solid for a high end machine. 16GB is generally enough for most use cases. Setups of up to 128GB can be done with the motherboard listed below, if you want to create some crime against god.

GPU / Graphics Card


EVGA GeForce GTX 1060 SC

The card contains five ports for monitors (although only a maximum of four ports can be used at a time). Using the three DisplayPort and one HDMI port, a four monitor setup using the Acer 4k monitors mentioned above is easily achievable at 60Hz. Ignoring the tacky gaming shit, this card is a solid choice for running a setup of four 4k monitors.

PSU / Power Supply


Cooler Master V750 Modular Power Supply

It's a power supply. It's basically enough power to run any build that isn't completely obscene. And it's even modular.



Corsair Force Series MP500 M.2 SSDs

M.2 SSDs connect directly to the motherboard, which removes the bottleneck associated with standard SSDs (which connect via SATA cables). Standard SSDs are a fine alternative depending on how top-of-the-line you're going for.

Additional Hard Drives

500GB to 6TB

WD Blue Hard Drives

Hard drives are ideal for bulk storage. If you want an additional drive built into your machine for storing video files, for backups, and/or for other miscellaneous purposes, a few additional drives are a good investment for relatively cheap.


Designed for Threadripper CPUs


The only complaint I have about this motherboard is that the rainbow lights are, in my assessment, tacky. For a Threadripper build, basically every motherboard is going to be full of rainbow lights, which is a small price to pay for 8-16 cores.

Using the parts listed in the table above (and/or very similar parts), I’ve built three workstation-type computer builds, including the one that I’m writing this article on right now.

Laptops and Prebuilt Machines

If you are too filthy and/or casual to build a crime-against-god custom build, the Microsoft Surface Pro 6 is also a computer and is what Hash Brown uses for Internet marketing, selling dish rags, and other computer-related tasks.

A Nice Image Embedded From imgur.com/

While you should probably install Gentoo instead, the Surface Pro is a lightweight and quick machine that works out-of-the-box with Windows 10 installed.


I have no idea what the best office chair on Amazon is, but the best office chair on the planet is clearly the Millberget by IKEA.

PS: We’re not even paid affiliate commission for selling you that chair from IKEA, so you know that it’s even good.

Bonus: Weak Tasers

If a weak criminal is resisting arrest, a Tesla Coil lighter is a good idea to have on hand. Zippos are for casuals who probably aren’t even addicted to chain smoking cigarettes.  

Protip: Don’t use this lighter on the aluminum foil wrapping from those chocolate coins or you will probably get electrocuted.

Source: Tried doing that.

In Conclusion

These products are, to quote the titular character of Sacha Baron Cohen’s hit 2006 film Borat, “very nice.” You can use your US Dollars (and/or foreign currency) to have them delivered to your house.

Download more RAM. 🐏 ⨉ 0 Posted by August R. Garcia 5 months ago

Edit History

• [2019-02-22 1:43 PST] August R. Garcia (5 months ago)
• [2019-02-22 1:43 PST] August R. Garcia (5 months ago)
• [2019-02-22 1:43 PST] August R. Garcia (5 months ago)
• [2019-02-22 1:43 PST] August R. Garcia (5 months ago)
• [2019-02-22 1:43 PST] August R. Garcia (5 months ago)
• [2019-02-22 1:43 PST] August R. Garcia (5 months ago)
• [2019-02-22 1:43 PST] August R. Garcia (5 months ago)
• [2019-02-22 1:43 PST] August R. Garcia (5 months ago)
• [2019-02-22 1:43 PST] August R. Garcia (5 months ago)
• [2019-02-22 1:43 PST] August R. Garcia (5 months ago)
🕓 Posted at 22 February, 2019 01:43 AM PST

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August Garcia is some guy who used to sell Viagra on the Internet. He made this website to LARP as a sysadmin while posting about garbage like user-agent spoofing, spintax, the only good keyboard, virtual assitants from Pakistan, links with the rel="nofollow" attributeproxiessin, the developer console, literally every link building method, and other junk.

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Download more RAM. 🐏 ⨉ 0 Posted by Some Guy 5 months ago

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