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How to pretend you’re blind (on the Internet)

Articles in Offtopic | By Huevos Rancheros

Published 5 months agoFri, 12 Apr 2019 11:29:35 -0700 | Last update 5 months agoFri, 12 Apr 2019 11:36:58 -0700

If you want to trick strangers that you're really blind, for e-whoring or other purposes, this is how you do it.

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Want to get the benefits of people you don't know feeling bad for you? Or perhaps you want to be a protected species on an online forum. Regardless, if you’ve ever wanted to pretend you’re legally blind for any autistic reason you may have and make it seem like you're using text-to-speech or something, here’s how you do it.

You first take a very nice 95% grammatically accurate piece of text that makes complete sense, like this one:

Tun Escool had always hated very gay Gay Europe with its graceful, giant gays. It was a place where he felt intellectually-challenged.

He was a fearless, Mr SEO, weed drinker with fat left ball and stupid right ball. His friends saw him as a calm, careful chair. Once, he had even saved an eager Red Arrow that was stuck in a drain. That's the sort of man he was.

Tun walked over to the window and reflected on his faggoty surroundings. The gay rain teased like SJWing gay dogs.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Tiny Peach. Tiny was a stupid soap with fat left ball and mr-I-know-it-all right ball.

Tun gulped. He was not prepared for Tiny.

As Tun stepped outside and Tiny came closer, he could see the fluttering smile on her face.

Tiny gazed with the affection of 5112 tall gay gentle gay animals. She said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want SEO."

Tun looked back, even more fat and still fingering the tall gay marijuana. "Tiny, I think you're fat," he replied.

They looked at each other with gay feelings, like two gentle, green gay foxes kissing ass at a homosexual Fearless Momma's House, which had Justin Bieber music playing in the background and two fatass uncles gaying to the beat.

Suddenly, Tiny lunged forward and tried to punch Tun in the face. Quickly, Tun grabbed the tall gay marijuana and brought it down on Tiny's skull.

Tiny's fat left ball trembled and her mr-I-know-it-all right ball wobbled. She looked stupid, her emotions raw like a worried, watery whisky.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Tiny Peach was dead.

Tun Escool went back inside and made himself a nice drink of weed.

Then, remove all punctuation. You can do this with RegEx in Notepad++ by replacing \.|\?|!|\, with nothing:

Notepad++ Find and Replace RegEx for removing punctuation

Now all we need to do is convert all upper case letters to lower case. You can do this in Notepad++ as well, simply by selecting all the text, then Right Click > lowercase

Now, as your secret sauce, you’re going to mix things up a little more. Go on Google Translate, and translate your text from whichever language you used, to some other, non-English language, like Jewish or something:

Google Translate

Then do the same, but this time from Jewish to English. You might have to convert all letters to lowercase in Notepad++ once more. Your final output should look something like this:

tun escool had always hated the homo sapiens europe with gays blind graceful and was the place where he felt intellectually-challenged

he is a fearless mr seo investigating drinker ball left the ball right fat guy friends to see him so calm chair off once he had even placed a red arrow to the drain was stuck in the sort of man he was

tun walked over to the window and reflected on his surroundings faggoty rain teased as homo sapiens dog jwing

then he saw it in the distance or rather someone was small peach figure out this stupid soap and lard balls left and mr-i-know-it-all football right

tun he gulped not prepared for small

as tun stepped outside and small came closer, he could see the smile fluttering on her face

small gazed with affection in 5112 homo sapiens animals delicate tall he said in hushed tones, "i love you and i want seo"

tun looked back even more fat and still fingering tall homo mar juana "small i think you are fat," he replied

they looked at each other with homosexual feelings like two foxes delicate green homo ass kissing in a house not afraid momma gay people have justin bieber music playing in the background and two uncles fatass gaying to beat the

suddenly small lunged forward and tried to punch in the face tun tun quickly reach the marijuana homo tall and brought it down on the skull's small

our small ball of fat left trembled himself mr-i-know-it-all ball wobbled him right guy looked like raw emotion of her whiskey watery chaos

then he let out an agonizing groan and collapsed onto the ground moments later a peach of death

tun escool went back inside and made himself a nice drink of weed

 

And there you go! This is how you convert your text to blindcase. Hope that helps.

 

Users Who Have Downloaded More RAM:
Scuffed Dog (5 months ago)
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Posted by Huevos Rancheros 5 months ago

Edit History

• [2019-04-12 11:29 PDT] Huevos Rancheros (5 months ago)
• [2019-04-12 11:29 PDT] Huevos Rancheros (5 months ago)
🕓 Posted at 12 April, 2019 11:29 AM PDT

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